Coffee in my Left Hand, Computer Love in my Right
Hey Coffee lovers! It’s been a minute; I miss you when you’re not here.
Sooo, I promised you that I’d be trying some computer dating (Shooby-doo-bop, shoo-doo-bop, I wanna love you), given that love seems to be elusive for so many lately. Here’s where we stand. I say ‘we’ because you’re so kind to go on these journeys with me; I ship all of you. No, not you Fat Jesus; slide it on back! Now, you should have gotten both of those references; if not, see the usher in the lobby for further instructions.
I tried out Bumble. For those of you worse off than me (and you can’t possibly be more unaware than me, trust) Bumble is a dating/networking (yeah right) sight that is geared toward the woman doing the initiating. No strange men in your DM, which is the reason I agreed to try it. Women scan, pass or select the men, and then where there is a match, the woman initiates the contact. Now those who know me best would tell you, “Vonn is not going to reach out to a man first, we’ve been telling her to do this for years.” Ok, no lies told. I have decided however, that this is preferred (so far) to some other sites. About 5 years ago, a certain Baby Sister of mine who shall be left nameless suggested I get on a site that rhymes with Denty of Bish. Chile, there were folks pinging me and DMing me all day and it was just all the grimy sludge you can imagine! I deleted it after a week, and haven’t indulged in another site until this one. A professional woman who I respect said she met her boyfriend on Bumble so I felt if there was ever a site to try, this might be it.
So, flash forward to the present. I did some viewing (within 30 miles of my house, age 45-57) and here’s what went on in my head as I swiped:
Swipe 1 Handsome, white, Harvard; probably arrogant
Swipe 2 Not bad, white, U of I; I don’t like boats
Swipe 3-7 Cute, white, I don’t like pets, sweater vests or skinny mustaches and what’s up with all the boats?
Swipe 8 Cute, Hispanic, seems short in the picture
Swipe 9 Not bad, Black, I can’t do Steve Harvey suits
Swipe 10 Cute, Black, throwing up hooks in the pic can’t be a good sign
Swipe 11 YIKES! I know him, that’s probably a whole blog in and unto itself
Swipe 12 Handsome, white, artsy fartsy, another doggone boat
Swipe 13- until they cut me off, I found something that was just not pow! enough to select any
So, for my Caucasian Sisters from another Mister, this is the site for you! The men were handsome (vast majority), educated, LOVED BOATS, liked Petdren (as my friend calls them) and seemed not too serial killer-ish. I almost pulled the trigger on a couple myself. Then I started imagining all the boat loving, 45 lovers, or the Peta loving fur haters and couldn’t do it. Did they like greens? Would they understand my blog or my poetry? Can they play Bid and Taboo? My mind had questions.
Now, you might be thinking “Vonn, you discounted some men for stupid reasons. What do you have against boats and pets, and what did Steve Harvey ever do to you to make you cringe at the sight of his suits? What’s up the Ques?” Those are all good questions. After swiping myself into Bumble time out, I had to ask myself the same thing. Am I not open enough? Could it be that no matter how safe the option, the Vonn of 2 paragraphs ago simply does not want to do the choosing (well, not initially anyway). Do I walk away too quickly? Am I the epitome of the woman described as too picky? Will Cam Newton make the Steve Harvey suit fly one day? Was my trigger finger too lazy? What should I try next? Comment and tell me what you think; this might take a village and a whole carafe of French pressed coffee for this one.
Coffee in my Left Hand, Computer Love in my Right…