Coffee in my Left Hand, Can I just enjoy the holidays in my Right?

Coffee in my Left Hand, Can I just enjoy the holidays in my Right?

Hey Family!

Popping in to say a quick Hey and to get something off my chest before the most wonderful time of the year gets going.  

All year, but especially during this time of the year, the woke/hotep people gather around the hearth of anti-everything and proclaim all that is wrong with Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We’ll get extra SM videos and quips about the death of the Indians (100% true) and how we shouldn’t celebrate the socio-capitalist, man-made holiday of Christmas, and some who even used to go to church before discovering (fill in the blank __________), will tout that Christ wasn’t even born on December 25th so what is you doing Baby?

On behalf of the few remaining of us who in fact look forward to gathering our families around tables full of butter and copious amounts of liquor at Thanksgiving, we bid you a heartfelt “Fall Back Yo”. We know the history, we know the hypocrisy of this nation. For better or worse, we still live here, and the nation still takes the 4th Thursday of November to mark a gathering of family, friends and food.  I gets down with all of the aforementioned Fs, and intend to do so every one God sends.  You can espouse and disparage the day all you want, but eat we will.  So, if you intend to criticize and educate on that day, please just stay home.  No sense in ruining it for the rest of us. That includes all the new vegans, pescutarians and clean eaters. No dogging out Grandma’s turkey basted in real butter and love. No pointing out the sodium in the ham and whining that the greens were cooked in meat.  Of course they were! Did you wake up in another family?  Remember who you are (were) Simba, and leave Auntie’s collards outta of your endeavors.  And no, we are not saving you a plate.  Go to the anti-everything hearth and see what quinoa they got going on for you over there.

As for Christmas. Oh Holy Night, with your stars shining brightly, how we do love you so.  The lights, the sounds, the gifts and the butter and copious amounts of alcohol shared amongst families and friends.  It’s actually my favorite holiday and my favorite time of year.  My birthday falls just days before, and my Father’s birthday (heavenly shout out to Daddy!) just after, so perhaps that’s why I’m an emotional ball of flutter for weeks on end during this time. But I’m not alone.  All ages, ethnicities, and levels of ‘understanding’ enjoy this time of year.  People are nicer on the street, Starbucks puts out new cups for us to debate, retailers use their best lures to get us to buy more of next year’s white elephant gifts (you’ll catch that later); it is in fact the most wonderful time of the year!  Why are our dear woke/hopteps determined to suck the life clean outta the holiday? As a life-long Christian, I know that tax time in Jerusalem was not likely in what we know to be December.  Does that mean I can’t stand in line at Tiffany’s for 2 hours to get somebody a bracelet if I want to?  Should Madea go without new slippers? Will all the TV’s have no new home because someone posted another article dismissing Christmas and pointing to scriptures about trees? Nay, I say; nay! Side note, I’m willing to debate you if you want, don’t let the jokes fool you; I know my bible. Gloray!  Instead of ranting and trying to draw us in, let us welcome you into the season with our merriment, ham, red velvet cakes and tangled lights for prickly trees.  Will it kill you to hold it all in until, say MLK day? No it wouldn’t.

So, if you know one, or are one, can you just resolve to let us enjoy the remaining 2017 Holidays without all the anti-everything?  Given the year we’ve all had here in America, haven’t we suffered enough?

Vonn