So I’m talking to my good girlfriend, and she’s telling me about this guy. A guy who previously she’d been open to getting to know. Optimistic even. She’s telling me why she’s about to block him on her phone, SM etc. Why? Because all he does is text her.
Good morning beautiful. How was your day? Tell me about yourself. Wait, what? What exactly do you want someone to tell you in a text? Anywho…nothing but texts.
I’ve had similar experiences and so have other women I know. Handsome, decent, well meaning men getting blocked left and right, or worse yet, friend zoned to the pits of hell, for thinking they can text their way into some…relationship.
Before we get into “well, what about…”, save it for the comment section. I’m here to discuss grown ass men, men who were not raised having cell phones. Men who attended at least one ‘set’ in someone’s basement in their life. Men who know the terror of calling a land line and having a girl’s Mom answer “Lisa can’t talk right now!” Men who asked a girl “to go with them” either by folded note, or a rushed request during recess or gym. I’m talking about men who had a pager. Grown ass men.
Why do these beloved brothers think at 40-50+, it’s acceptable to exchange numbers with a woman and then text her for weeks under the misguided notion of “talking?”
Men, hear me clearly: All the good clean girls at the Black Awareness Rally of life expect you to pick up the phone and call them. Now, every man isn’t like this, but I hear this enough to know that more men than you think are exactly like this. And relationships (yes, many men desire relationships) are being thwarted before they even start because of not moving from texting to calling.
You cannot learn if you like a woman, if she’s got a good sense of humor, if she’s a woman you want to spend any time with or if she’s nutso, without talking to her first. Texting may be easy, but the men we’re interested in survived dating BEFORE texting. The women (unless you’re trying to date women 15-20 years younger) you’re texting are bored with texting after the 1st 2 days. Or, we assume that you are married or have a live-in. Believe me.
Texting as information (who what where), flirting, etc., is great, but that’s after a connection has been established. If you’re a man and are texting a woman as a primary means of getting to know her, you’ve been advised; call. Women, text the man “I really would rather talk than text” right before you’re ready to delete/block him. Otherwise everyone risks passing up on something potentially wonderful.
There, I’ve done my part to advance the community; you’re on your own now.
11 thoughts on “Coffee in my left hand, quit texting so d**n much in my right”
I think we are being “texted” to death is because these type of men are simply using texting as a means of no-cost/ no commitment entertainment. Texting all day = never having to leave the house or investing time in anyone. Some are hiding behind texts because they have no “game” or personality. And the sooner women figure it out the sooner it’ll be over.
We can save the discussion of “send me a picture” texts at a later date.
I can’t even articulate my irritation with ‘send me a pic’. Dude! Come take me out and you can see me all cute and dressed up! Geesh!
The last time a grown a?? man asked me to send a pic, I sent a Bitmoji. At the onset of Iphones and selfies, it was fun to take pictures and post. The ‘send me a pic’ piece is for his own personal portfolio. Dude, you have plenty of pics to view on my social media if we are friends. If you want to see me, let’s get coffee and a bagel.
First, I would look at the meeting/dating scene moving from the club/bar/friend-intro scene to “online” vehicles…in short, the Internet, as a contributor to this “epidemic”. By nature, that medium does not foster face-to-face interaction. In fact, it perpetuates face-to-screen interactions–which is less “risky” and feeds human nature to be “risk averse”.
Second, “they” text because it “works”/”has worked” OR nobody has told them “I really would rather talk than text”…AS SOON AS the texts start down the getting to know you path. The latter is an age old problem perpetuated by “he should know” or venting to “friends”…which leads to the first, by default–because “somebody” will accept it or, when it doesn’t work, the REAL reason is not given. However, whatever the reason, it is probably “communicated” by text or “blocking”…(wait for it…)
That said, as a diagnosed “introvert” (“shy”) I was not prone to having “game” in the pre-pager era. In fact, most of my relationships were the result of intros by somebody else–which usually happened face-to-face or with instruction to “give her a call”. Since this instruction was usually from a female, I did as instructed (introvert does not mean stupid). So, I could be a “texter”…if it weren’t for having enough female friends that would “guide” me. Plus, when you get pass the introvert “gate”, we will talk for days…
So, if you are having friends “set you up”, make sure they tell him to call you. Now, “If you want something done…” respond to the second or third text with “please give me a call”. At that point, the next move will tell you where he is at…
(As proof I would not be good at texting, l am sure there is Internet/social media reply/text etiquette that says “keep it to words/screens”)
Thanks for sharing that! I think you are old school enough to eventually want to hear the woman’s voice even if you yourself just listened
Vonn. Vonn. Vonn. If I was dating towards a relationship (which I haven’t for 20 years lol) this is great info. Technology has lured many of of (women included) into a false sense of reality. You definitely need to talk, phone and in person to fully understand someone. Mannerisms, eye contact. laughter, none of the things you can get from a text or a gif really. I hope some brother reads your words and understands what you’re saying. Very useful. SW85P!!!!!
Thank you Michael! It’s harder than it has to be for folks our age looking for their “2nd time around”
I think they text because they don’t want a relationship. They can text multiple women a “good morning beautiful” text and see who falls for it. A grown man (that’s crucial bc we have grown boys) knows better and if he is really interested in a relationship, he will call, he won’t need to be told he has to call. We may have entered the age of technology but some things haven’t changed-if a grown man is interested in pursuing a woman (because he wants to get to know her and spend time with her) he is going to call.
I agree with you. The last man I dated would do a solid combo and I appreciated him for it.
I hate the texting game of trying to date. First since there is usually no punctuation I tend to misread the concept of the text🤦🏽♀️. I have been ready for the fight because I put emphasis on the wrong phrase of the text. So please call me so I can hear your voice, hear the inflection I your tones, hear your smile etc. And men please stop with the send me a picture text when we first meet. Take me out and look in my face, we like to blush in person!
Thank you for this read😁
Yes!! The ‘send me a pic’ is the worst! Thanks for the comment and the support Ro 🤗