Coffee in my left hand, quit texting so d**n much in my right

So I’m talking to my good girlfriend, and she’s telling me about this guy. A guy who previously she’d been open to getting to know. Optimistic even. She’s telling me why she’s about to block him on her phone, SM etc. Why? Because all he does is text her.

Good morning beautiful. How was your day? Tell me about yourself. Wait, what? What exactly do you want someone to tell you in a text? Anywho…nothing but texts.

I’ve had similar experiences and so have other women I know. Handsome, decent, well meaning men getting blocked left and right, or worse yet, friend zoned to the pits of hell, for thinking they can text their way into some…relationship.

Before we get into “well, what about…”, save it for the comment section. I’m here to discuss grown ass men, men who were not raised having cell phones. Men who attended at least one ‘set’ in someone’s basement in their life. Men who know the terror of calling a land line and having a girl’s Mom answer “Lisa can’t talk right now!” Men who asked a girl “to go with them” either by folded note, or a rushed request during recess or gym. I’m talking about men who had a pager. Grown ass men.

Why do these beloved brothers think at 40-50+, it’s acceptable to exchange numbers with a woman and then text her for weeks under the misguided notion of “talking?”

Men, hear me clearly: All the good clean girls at the Black Awareness Rally of life expect you to pick up the phone and call them. Now, every man isn’t like this, but I hear this enough to know that more men than you think are exactly like this. And relationships (yes, many men desire relationships) are being thwarted before they even start because of not moving from texting to calling.

You cannot learn if you like a woman, if she’s got a good sense of humor, if she’s a woman you want to spend any time with or if she’s nutso, without talking to her first. Texting may be easy, but the men we’re interested in survived dating BEFORE texting. The women (unless you’re trying to date women 15-20 years younger) you’re texting are bored with texting after the 1st 2 days. Or, we assume that you are married or have a live-in. Believe me.

Texting as information (who what where), flirting, etc., is great, but that’s after a connection has been established. If you’re a man and are texting a woman as a primary means of getting to know her, you’ve been advised; call. Women, text the man “I really would rather talk than text” right before you’re ready to delete/block him. Otherwise everyone risks passing up on something potentially wonderful.

There, I’ve done my part to advance the community; you’re on your own now.


Coffee in my left hand, Queen and Slim review in my right.

**There are spoilers in this review**





Ok, good. I finally saw Q&S last night. I didn’t write anything then because I 1) wanted to process, and 2) by process I mean I was exhausted from being out and went straight to bed.

I really enjoyed this movie. I’d read so many bad reviews, I half went in expecting not to like it; it takes a lot for a movie to overcome your predetermined dislike of it. Q&S did just that.

It’s shot beautifully over a few states. I initially thought the Ohio scenes were in Chicago. There was a discrepancy in the direction they were traveling at one point, but the beauty outshone my C level geography knowledge.

Many themes stood out as so realistic: the bad first date, the community (in several forms) supporting alleged retribution to the oppressor, Slim’s dedication to his family. But what stood out most were the purposeful messages left by the screenwriter. All the scenes in Uncle Earl’s house (masterfully played by Bokeem Woodbine) were Sunday school lessons: the after effects of war, treating a man differently at home because of the way he’s treated in the world, the humanization of sex workers. All well acted and scripted. Other themes such as the longing to be immortal, regret and sadness being worn as anger, were present too.

My friend Shawn whispered at one point that he knew many “Queens” (that is not how he said it, and I can’t type my gut laughter reaction). I think the entire point of the movie was to see ourselves or maybe someone we knew, and unravel the pain beneath the snark (whew, Queen had snark for daaays) and the beauty beneath the ordinary.

There were many criticisms about the ending. I thought it was drawn out a little long, but I did see it coming: once a bounty was offered, the ending wrote itself.

Overall I enjoyed it and thought it a worthwhile film. I’m sure there will be many more Twitter debates, and I’m thinking of hosting a table talk about it myself. Go see it and support this artistic, contemporary film. Let me know your thoughts.


Coffee in my left hand, Thanksgiving gratitude in my right

Hey Y’all. Today is the day we gather with the family we were given, and the family we have chosen, in the spirit of thanks. Before you start drinking because of the family you were given, with the chosen ones, below are the things I’m thankful for:

I’m thankful that this ankle is on the mend, and I’m starting to envision one day wearing two shoes again.

I’m thankful for not having gained too much weight during this 10 week mandatory sitting on my arsh fest. The thicc is still in order, Hallelujah.

I’m thankful that my Mom and my Son both have their drivers licenses. Jesus hold the wheel for both teenage and senior citizen drivers.

I’m thankful for my twenty year old Daughter who came home, and during the moments she passed by me on her way out, asked if I needed anything and kissed my forehead. Kindness, even in transit, means everything to me.

I’m thankful for everyone who brought me food, drinks, supplies and just stopped by while I’ve been benched. You’ll never know how much it meant to me. I’m sorry I didn’t wear any makeup and looked like a sad, ghostly version of my normal self. I’ll make it up to you.

I’m thankful for Instacart, Postmates, Amazon, UPS, FedEx and Hello Fresh for helping me get the things I need for my home. It’s hard going from Superwoman to “could you please put it inside the house, I can’t reach the porch.” God bless your tires and backs; Ase.

I’m thankful for you, who stop by to read my rants, insights and occasional funnies. You have a million things to do, and blogs way more popular than this one to entertain yourself; that you peruse this one fills my heart with love and questions. 😏

Enjoy your family and friends today, and know that this 6 hour overeating, stress filled day too shall pass.

And don’t take more than 1 plate if you didn’t bring anything; Big Mama did not raise you to be greedy.